Updated: Oct 26, 2022
For the past two years ,since starting MWAHFITNESS, I have been struggling to carry all my equipment in my mini convertible. Anyone who attended my bootcamps and face to face classes would witness me fitting all the equipment into the car like a jigsaw puzzle , knowing which piece fitted where, so that I could see whilst driving and be able to shut the doors!
So I have been working so hard and saving every penny ,and after 16 years , I decided to trade in Daisy for a bigger model ,with more space and more importantly a better music system ( after all the car is my office!).
I should be happy right ? I should be driving everywhere with all the confidence in the world but unfortunately it does not work like that for me!
What has come with this change , are huge anxieties and irrational fears, for which I find it hard to explain , without someone laughing or clearly not getting it .
For the past 10 weeks ,I have had the pleasure of training an amazing new therapist ( who will remain anonymous) , who is specialising in Rapid Transformational Therapy to help her clients overcome complex issues, habits and addictions.
Even though I have been training her back to pre- baby fitness, I found ourselves talking about my complex issues and how anxious I am about all the changes I present to myself on a weekly basis and the relationship mistakes I constantly make.
We just talked whilst I made her work hard and our conversations have left a major impact on me and made me want to change!
"What do you want when you get this car ? " she asked
" I want to be able to just get in the car and drive without fear " i replied
" What are you scared of ?" she asked
"Wide roads ,hills and lack of control " i replied
"You have a fear of open spaces Mickey and only feel safe when in contained spaces, we can work on this " She replied
"Tell yourself , you are a better driver, tell yourself you can do this, you are your brains master "she added
Together we talked about some of my childhood and I have realised how deep my issues are and I am going to sort them.
My client recommended a book by her trainer , "Tell Yourself A Better Lie " by Marissa Peer and this has been life changing and so thought provoking ,I wanted to share this by writing my blog on it .
As a child , I witnessed severe violence at home and was subjected to sexual abuse at the age of 11 by 5 boys. All of this has laid deep inside me and it will often show in my relationships and actions. I am only comfortable with men who treat me badly and cause internal and external drama and pain.
I dont want this story anymore , I want to feel better and be at peace with it all and have a happier ending and just drive !
I bought the audio book , as I dont have time to sit and read but i can listen whilst driving to my clients. I have realised that I not only need to talk more about my experiences but turn the stories round , so that I no longer blame myself and stop worrying what people think about me and have the confidence to be me and not that little girl ,screaming in the corner , unheard and frightened.
How does this relate to my new car, I hear you ask . It does , I know it does but I dont know why but I'm determined to find out how and why.
By reading and investing in the therapy will help me grow and I am confident it will help with my anger and anxieties when driving .
There's a reason and I am hoping that by trusting my client and falling into my consciousness, I will be able to put the jigsaw together and move on and have a better fulfilled life.
This blog will be continued and I will regularly update you on my journey , as I know there are many of you with deep issues and pain and being open , will help others to open up.
Please contact me if you want to talk, I am here always and will offer any help if i can .
THANK YOU FOR READING